Comparison Is the Thief of Joy: How to Stop Measuring Your Life Against Others
By Jennifer Doeden, LMFT- Metro Counseling and Wellness
“Comparison is the thief of joy.”
This timeless quote, often attributed to Theodore Roosevelt, feels especially relevant in today’s world—where every scroll on social media seems to showcase someone else’s perfect life, perfect body, perfect baby, or perfect relationship.
If you’ve ever felt behind, not good enough, or overwhelmed by the pressure to “keep up,” you're not alone. As a trauma-informed therapist working with women and mothers, I see firsthand how comparison can quietly erode self-worth, deepen anxiety, and fuel feelings of failure—especially for those already carrying the weight of trauma or unhealed emotional wounds.
Let’s explore why comparison hurts so deeply, how it connects to trauma, and what you can do to reconnect with your own joy.
Why Comparison Feels So Painful
Comparison isn’t just a mindset—it can trigger deep emotional responses, particularly for those with a history of trauma. If your nervous system has been wired to scan for threats (emotional rejection, abandonment, or judgment), someone else’s perceived success might register as a danger to your worth or belonging.
For example:
Seeing another mom breastfeeding easily may trigger feelings of failure if you struggled.
Watching friends “bounce back” after birth may stir shame if you’re still recovering physically or emotionally.
Observing couples on date nights might amplify loneliness in your own relationship.
In trauma-informed therapy, we understand that these reactions aren't shallow envy—they're survival-based responses rooted in past pain. And they deserve compassion, not criticism.
How Comparison Can Impact Mental Health
When left unchecked, comparison can impact:
Self-esteem: You feel “less than” no matter what you accomplish.
Mood: Constant measuring can increase anxiety, depression, and burnout.
Relationships: Comparison can create resentment or distance.
Parenting: You may feel you're never doing enough for your child.
Trauma and the Trap of “Not Enough”
Many trauma survivors carry core beliefs like:
“I’m not worthy.”
“I’m behind.”
“Everyone else has it together but me.”
Comparison becomes the lens through which these painful stories are reinforced. Healing involves learning to notice those beliefs, understand where they come from, and gently challenge them with self-compassion and truth.
How to Break Free from Comparison and Reclaim Your Joy
Here are trauma-informed, therapist-approved ways to stop comparison from stealing your joy:
1. Pause and Name What’s Happening
Start by noticing when you're comparing. Pause and say:
🧠 “I’m comparing right now, and that’s a human thing to do.”
Naming it softens the inner critic and gives you choice.
2. Get Curious, Not Critical
Ask: “What story am I telling myself right now?”
Is it, “She’s a better mom”? “I’ll never be that successful”?
Bring gentle awareness to the deeper wounds that comparison is poking.
3. Shift to Connection, Not Competition
Instead of seeing others as proof you’re not enough, try viewing them as proof that it’s possible.
If someone has what you want—more peace, love, support—it means those things are out there for you too.
4. Regulate Your Nervous System
When comparison hijacks your calm, come back to your body:
💨 Try grounding techniques like deep belly breathing
🖐 Place one hand on your chest, one on your belly
🌱 Step outside and feel your feet on the earth
These tools send the message: “I am safe. I am enough.”
5. Unfollow to Protect Your Peace
Curate your digital environment with intention. Follow people who make you feel seen—not ashamed. Take breaks when needed. Your worth isn't measured in reels or grids.
You Deserve Support
If comparison is impacting your joy, relationships, or sense of self—it doesn’t mean you're broken. It means you're human, and possibly carrying more emotional weight than you were ever meant to carry alone.
At Metro Counseling and Wellness, we specialize in trauma-informed therapy and maternal mental health support. Whether you’re a new mom, navigating life transitions, or healing from past trauma, our compassionate care is here to help you reconnect with your inherent worth and joy.
🌿 Ready to feel more grounded and connected to yourself?
Book a free 15-minute consultation today to learn how therapy can help you stop comparing and start thriving.
Related Services:
Trauma-Informed Therapy
Therapy for Moms
Postpartum Mental Health Support
Anxiety and Stress Relief
Online Therapy in Minnesota
