Comparison Is the Thief of Joy: How to Stop Measuring Your Life Against Others

By Jennifer Doeden, LMFT- Metro Counseling and Wellness

“Comparison is the thief of joy.”

This timeless quote, often attributed to Theodore Roosevelt, feels especially relevant in today’s world—where every scroll on social media seems to showcase someone else’s perfect life, perfect body, perfect baby, or perfect relationship.

If you’ve ever felt behind, not good enough, or overwhelmed by the pressure to “keep up,” you're not alone. As a trauma-informed therapist working with women and mothers, I see firsthand how comparison can quietly erode self-worth, deepen anxiety, and fuel feelings of failure—especially for those already carrying the weight of trauma or unhealed emotional wounds.

Let’s explore why comparison hurts so deeply, how it connects to trauma, and what you can do to reconnect with your own joy.

Why Comparison Feels So Painful

Comparison isn’t just a mindset—it can trigger deep emotional responses, particularly for those with a history of trauma. If your nervous system has been wired to scan for threats (emotional rejection, abandonment, or judgment), someone else’s perceived success might register as a danger to your worth or belonging.

For example:

• Seeing another mom breastfeeding easily may trigger feelings of failure if you struggled.

• Watching friends “bounce back” after birth may stir shame if you’re still recovering physically or emotionally.

• Observing couples on date nights might amplify loneliness in your own relationship.

In trauma-informed therapy, we understand that these reactions aren't shallow envy—they're survival-based responses rooted in past pain. And they deserve compassion, not criticism.

How Comparison Can Impact Mental Health

When left unchecked, comparison can impact:

• Self-esteem: You feel “less than” no matter what you accomplish.

• Mood: Constant measuring can increase anxiety, depression, and burnout.

• Relationships: Comparison can create resentment or distance.

• Parenting: You may feel you're never doing enough for your child.

Trauma and the Trap of “Not Enough”

Many trauma survivors carry core beliefs like:

• “I’m not worthy.”

• “I’m behind.”

• “Everyone else has it together but me.”

Comparison becomes the lens through which these painful stories are reinforced. Healing involves learning to notice those beliefs, understand where they come from, and gently challenge them with self-compassion and truth.

How to Break Free from Comparison and Reclaim Your Joy

Here are trauma-informed, therapist-approved ways to stop comparison from stealing your joy:

1. Pause and Name What’s Happening

Start by noticing when you're comparing. Pause and say:
🧠 “I’m comparing right now, and that’s a human thing to do.”
Naming it softens the inner critic and gives you choice.

2. Get Curious, Not Critical

Ask: “What story am I telling myself right now?”
Is it, “She’s a better mom”? “I’ll never be that successful”?
Bring gentle awareness to the deeper wounds that comparison is poking.

3. Shift to Connection, Not Competition

Instead of seeing others as proof you’re not enough, try viewing them as proof that it’s possible.
If someone has what you want—more peace, love, support—it means those things are out there for you too.

4. Regulate Your Nervous System

When comparison hijacks your calm, come back to your body:
💨 Try grounding techniques like deep belly breathing
🖐 Place one hand on your chest, one on your belly
🌱 Step outside and feel your feet on the earth
These tools send the message: “I am safe. I am enough.”

5. Unfollow to Protect Your Peace

Curate your digital environment with intention. Follow people who make you feel seen—not ashamed. Take breaks when needed. Your worth isn't measured in reels or grids.

You Deserve Support

If comparison is impacting your joy, relationships, or sense of self—it doesn’t mean you're broken. It means you're human, and possibly carrying more emotional weight than you were ever meant to carry alone.

At Metro Counseling and Wellness, we specialize in trauma-informed therapy and maternal mental health support. Whether you’re a new mom, navigating life transitions, or healing from past trauma, our compassionate care is here to help you reconnect with your inherent worth and joy.

🌿 Ready to feel more grounded and connected to yourself?

Book a free 15-minute consultation today to learn how therapy can help you stop comparing and start thriving.

Related Services:

• Trauma-Informed Therapy

• Therapy for Moms

• Postpartum Mental Health Support

• Anxiety and Stress Relief

• Online Therapy in Minnesota

Body Image Through Pregnancy & Postpartum: Finding Compassion for the Changing You

By Jennifer Doeden, LMFT- Metro Counseling and Wellness

“I don’t even recognize my body anymore.”
It’s a phrase we hear often from clients navigating pregnancy, postpartum, or both. And if you’ve ever thought or said those words—know that you are not alone.

At Metro Counseling and Wellness, we specialize in helping women and birthing parents move through the emotional and mental shifts that come with motherhood—including the complicated relationship with body image.

Let’s talk about what so many are afraid to say out loud:
Pregnancy and postpartum can bring deep gratitude and deep grief for the body you once knew.

The Reality of a Changing Body

From the outside, our culture glorifies the “baby bump glow” and the “bounce back” after birth. But in real life, many parents feel vulnerable, uncomfortable, or even betrayed by the changes in their bodies.

Some common experiences we hear include:

• Feeling disconnected from your body or like it's no longer your own

• Struggling with weight gain, loose skin, stretch marks, or surgical scars

• Feeling pressure to return to your pre-pregnancy size—even while recovering and parenting

• Shame about needing bigger clothes or noticing body parts that look or feel different

• Avoiding mirrors, photos, or intimacy due to body discomfort

• Comparing yourself to others (or your past self) on social media

These experiences don’t make you ungrateful. They make you human.

Why This Struggle Is So Common

Your body has been through a monumental transformation—growing, birthing, and nurturing a human. It makes sense that your identity and self-image would shift too.

But emotional factors also play a huge role:

• Hormonal changes can amplify anxiety, sensitivity, and self-doubt

• Sleep deprivation and stress can affect your mood and perception

• Societal messaging about beauty and worth adds unrealistic expectations

• Medical experiences like traumatic births, NICU stays, or fertility treatments can lead to feeling like your body has failed you

What you’re feeling isn’t vanity—it’s vulnerability. And it deserves care and support.

You Are More Than a Before-and-After

At Metro Counseling and Wellness, we help clients gently reconnect with their bodies—not as something to be “fixed” or “improved,” but as something to be understood and appreciated for all that it’s carried.

We’ll support you in:

• Releasing comparison and perfectionism

• Processing birth trauma, medical trauma, or fertility grief

• Exploring how your body story connects with your identity, self-worth, or past experiences

• Rebuilding trust and compassion toward your body

• Learning how to regulate emotions when you feel overwhelmed by body changes

Gentle Ways to Care for Your Body—and Your Mind

You don’t have to love your body to treat it with kindness. Here are a few small ways to start shifting the conversation:

🧘‍♀️ Name what you’re feeling—without judgment.
Instead of “I hate my body,” try “I feel uncomfortable in my body today.” Language matters.

📸 Unfollow accounts that trigger comparison.
Curate your feed with real, diverse, and body-positive voices.

🌬 Practice nervous system regulation.
Breathing exercises, grounding, and self-compassion can reduce the stress response that often comes with body image triggers.

👖 Wear clothes that fit your now-body.
Clothing isn’t meant to punish you. Choose comfort over squeezing into “before” sizes.

💬 Talk to someone who gets it.
Therapy can provide a safe space to explore these emotions without shame or pressure to “just be grateful.”

You Deserve Support—Just As You Are

Whether you’re newly postpartum, many years out, or still on your fertility journey, your body image matters. It impacts your mental health, your relationships, and your sense of self.

At Metro Counseling and Wellness, we create a space where you can share your story, feel seen, and start healing—on your terms. You don’t have to carry this discomfort alone.

✨ Ready to take the next step?
Click here to learn more about our therapy services for pregnancy, postpartum, and body image support.

You are not a “before” or “after.” You are worthy in every version of your body.

Let’s honor the journey together.

Have I Experienced Trauma? How to Know and What to Do Next

By Jennifer Doeden, LMFT- Metro Counseling and Wellness – Supporting You Through the Healing Journey

Many people hear the word trauma and think of major events—accidents, disasters, or extreme violence. But trauma doesn’t always look dramatic. It can also stem from experiences that felt overwhelming, lonely, or out of your control—especially during deeply personal transitions like pregnancy, childbirth, or postpartum.

If you’ve ever wondered, “Was that trauma?” you’re not alone. At Metro Counseling and Wellness, we specialize in helping women and parents gently explore those questions—and find a path forward rooted in healing, understanding, and hope.

What Is Trauma?

Trauma is what happens when something feels too much, too fast, or too soon—and your mind or body doesn’t get the chance to fully process it. It’s less about what happened and more about how it left you feeling.

You might have experienced trauma if:

• You felt helpless, terrified, or ignored during labor or delivery.

• Medical staff brushed off your concerns or you didn’t feel safe during treatment.

• You had complications during pregnancy, delivery, or your baby’s health journey.

• You’ve been struggling with anxiety, flashbacks, or intrusive thoughts since giving birth.

• You keep replaying events or can’t make sense of what happened.

• You find it hard to connect with your baby—or yourself—after what you’ve gone through.

Even if others told you “everything turned out fine,” you might still carry pain from the experience. Trauma doesn’t need to be validated by someone else to be real.

Common Signs You May Be Dealing with Trauma

Here are some signs that may suggest your body and mind are holding on to unresolved trauma:

• You feel anxious or on edge without knowing why.

• You avoid places, people, or conversations that remind you of certain experiences.

• You’re extra sensitive to loud noises, medical settings, or being touched.

• You feel numb, disconnected, or like you’re going through the motions.

• You have trouble sleeping or experience nightmares.

• You often feel guilt, shame, or like you’re “not enough” as a parent or partner.

• You’re overwhelmed by sadness or anger, and it comes out unexpectedly.

• You’re physically tense, exhausted, or constantly on alert—even when you’re “safe.”

You don’t need to check every box to have experienced trauma. If any part of this list resonates, your feelings are valid.

You’re Not Broken—You’re Human

What you’re experiencing is not a sign of weakness. It’s your nervous system doing its best to protect you. Our bodies remember what our minds try to forget—and that’s where trauma-informed therapy can help.

But even outside of therapy, there are ways to soothe and support your nervous system when you feel overwhelmed. Here are a few simple techniques you can try:

🧘‍♀️ Grounding with the 5-4-3-2-1 Method
Notice and name:

• 5 things you can see

• 4 things you can touch

• 3 things you can hear

• 2 things you can smell

• 1 thing you can taste
  This helps bring your awareness into the present moment and calms the brain.

🌬 Box Breathing
Inhale for 4 seconds, hold for 4, exhale for 4, hold for 4. Repeat a few cycles. This breath pattern helps regulate your nervous system and restore calm.

🤲 Hand on Heart Technique
Place one hand on your heart and one on your belly. Take a few slow breaths while repeating a simple affirmation like: “I am safe in this moment.” The warmth and rhythm of your hands can help signal safety to your body.

These tools aren’t meant to replace therapy, but they can provide relief when emotions feel especially big.

How Therapy Can Help

Through compassionate, evidence-based therapy, we help you:

• Make sense of what happened (and how it’s still showing up in your life)

• Reconnect with your body and emotions at a pace that feels safe

• Develop tools to manage anxiety, overwhelm, and guilt

• Feel empowered in your relationships, choices, and sense of self

• Begin healing—not by forgetting the past, but by transforming your relationship to it

At Metro Counseling and Wellness, we believe:

• You deserve to feel safe in your body again.

• Your story matters, even if it’s messy or confusing.

• Healing is possible—one gentle step at a time.

You Don’t Have to Carry This Alone

If anything in this post sparked recognition or relief, know this: there is nothing too small or “not bad enough” to bring to therapy. You are worthy of support.

We create a safe, non-judgmental space to begin again. Whether you’re just starting to explore your story or have been carrying pain for years, we’re here to walk alongside you.

✨ Ready to take the next step?
Visit Metro Counseling and Wellness to learn more about trauma-informed therapy and how we support healing after perinatal trauma.

You deserve peace. Let’s find it together.

Top Books for Couples After Baby

Strengthen Your Relationship While Raising a Family

At Metro Counseling and Wellness, we understand the emotional shifts that occur when two become three (or more!). Many couples find their connection stretched thin after having children—but that doesn’t mean it can’t grow stronger. In fact, with the right tools and guidance, your relationship can deepen during the parenting years.

Whether you're in the thick of sleepless nights, navigating divided responsibilities, or simply looking to feel more connected with your partner, these handpicked books offer encouragement, insight, and practical support.

But don’t stop with just the books—read to the end to see how therapy can further support your journey together.

1. And Baby Makes Three by John M. Gottman & Julie Schwartz Gottman

Why it resonates: Learn how to preserve intimacy and navigate new parenting roles with research-backed tools from the foremost experts in relationships.
🧡 Perfect for couples wanting to stay emotionally connected after baby arrives.

2. Fair Play by Eve Rodsky

Why it resonates: This book helps couples rebalance the mental and physical load of parenting and household tasks—with humor and practical tools.
📚 We love integrating these concepts in couples therapy sessions focused on equity and stress reduction.

3. How Not to Hate Your Husband After Kids by Jancee Dunn

Why it resonates: Real talk, real solutions. This relatable, funny, and brutally honest guide is a favorite among our clients for its down-to-earth approach.
💬 Great for those feeling unseen or overwhelmed.

4. The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work by John Gottman

Why it resonates: A foundational book for anyone wanting to strengthen communication and emotional safety.
🔗 Many of our therapy tools are rooted in the Gottman Method—ask us how we use them in session.

5. Mating in Captivity by Esther Perel

Why it resonates: A powerful, thought-provoking look at how to maintain desire in long-term relationships—especially through major life transitions like parenthood.
🔥 Struggling with intimacy postpartum? This one’s for you.

6. The 5 Love Languages by Gary Chapman

Why it resonates: Simple, yet transformative. Understanding your partner’s love language can make a big difference during stressful parenting years.
💡 We often use this framework in couples counseling to build emotional connection.

7. Babyproofing Your Marriage by Stacie Cockrell, Cathy O’Neill & Julia Stone

Why it resonates: Hilarious and heartfelt, this one dives into the “invisible load” of motherhood and the tension it creates.
🤣 Expect laughs—and insights that hit close to home.

8. Marriage and Children by Patricia Love & Steven Stosny

Why it resonates: Offers real strategies for staying emotionally close in the years after becoming parents.
🤝 Want to repair emotional distance? This book, paired with counseling, can help.

9. Parenting Marriage by Alicia Drummond

Why it resonates: Encourages couples to create a supportive “village” model for parenting while prioritizing their relationship.
🏡 We love this community-based approach to marriage and parenting.

10. No-Drama Discipline by Daniel J. Siegel & Tina Payne Bryson

Why it resonates: While it’s technically a parenting book, its focus on emotional regulation is incredibly helpful for couples, too.
🧠 Learning to regulate emotions can improve both parenting and partnership.

Want Support Beyond the Page?

Reading is a great start—but real change happens when you apply these insights with professional guidance. At Metro Counseling and Wellness, we help couples:

• Rebuild emotional and physical intimacy

• Navigate resentment and miscommunication

• Rebalance roles and responsibilities

• Heal from birth trauma or perinatal mental health challenges

• Thrive as a team while raising children

We specialize in maternal mental health and trauma-informed therapy.

Let’s Keep the Conversation Going

✅ Book a free 15-minute consultation
✅ Follow us on Instagram @MetroCounselingWellness for support and tips
✅ Explore our Therapy Services

Final Thoughts

Your marriage deserves as much love and attention as your children do. These books offer fantastic insight, but you don’t have to do this alone. Let Metro Counseling and Wellness walk with you as you rediscover your connection, strength, and joy—together.

📍Located in Minnetonka, MN | 🌿 Virtual sessions available across Minnesota

Healing Deep Wounds: How Accelerated Resolution Therapy (ART) Helps Process Traumatic Experiences

By Jennifer Doeden, LMFT – Metro Counseling and Wellness

Trauma—especially trauma connected to pregnancy, childbirth, or early parenthood—can leave emotional scars that impact daily life in quiet but powerful ways. You may find yourself avoiding certain places, feeling stuck in painful memories, or experiencing anxiety or sadness that doesn’t seem to go away, even as time passes. If this sounds familiar, you’re not alone—and there is hope.

One powerful, research-backed tool for healing trauma is Accelerated Resolution Therapy (ART). As a trauma-informed therapist specializing in perinatal and medical trauma, I’ve seen firsthand how ART can create lasting relief for individuals carrying the weight of past experiences.

What Is Accelerated Resolution Therapy?

Accelerated Resolution Therapy (ART) is an evidence-based form of psychotherapy that helps people reprocess and resolve traumatic memories—often within just a few sessions. It incorporates elements of eye movement, voluntary image replacement, and narrative reprocessing, helping clients access and shift the way traumatic memories are stored in the brain.

Though ART shares some similarities with EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing), it’s distinct in its focus on rapid symptom relief and directed visualization techniques that often result in quicker emotional resolution.

How ART Works

During an ART session, you’re guided through a series of gentle steps:

1. Recall: You begin by revisiting a distressing memory in a safe and supportive space.

2. Eye Movements: Using bilateral stimulation (typically guided eye movements), you process the memory while calming the brain’s fight-or-flight response.

3. Image Replacement: You are invited to “rewrite” aspects of the memory by replacing distressing images with ones that feel more peaceful or empowering.

4. Resolution: As the emotional intensity around the memory lessens, people often describe feeling lighter, clearer, and more in control.

Importantly, you don’t have to share every detail of your traumatic experience out loud—something that can be especially reassuring for those navigating sensitive or deeply personal events.

Why ART Is So Helpful for Perinatal Trauma

The transition to parenthood can be incredibly vulnerable, and when trauma is part of the journey—such as:

• A birth that felt out of control

• An unexpected NICU stay

• Medical complications during pregnancy or postpartum

• Feeling unsupported or dismissed by providers

…those experiences can shape how we feel about ourselves, our bodies, and even our connection with our child.

ART offers a pathway to heal those emotional wounds so you can reclaim a sense of peace, safety, and confidence in your parenting journey. Many clients report:

• Relief from persistent flashbacks or intrusive thoughts

• A decrease in anxiety or hypervigilance

• Increased self-compassion

• Improved connection with their baby and partner

• Greater clarity and trust in their body

What to Expect in a Session

ART is a structured and client-centered process. Sessions typically last around 60 minutes, and many clients experience meaningful results in just 1 to 5 sessions. You remain fully awake and in control during the process. It’s not hypnosis or exposure therapy—instead, it’s a gentle and empowering technique that respects your pace and your story.

Is ART Right for You?

If you’ve experienced trauma connected to fertility, pregnancy, childbirth, or early parenting—and you’re ready to move beyond survival into healing—ART may be a powerful next step.

You deserve to feel safe in your body, at peace with your story, and connected to yourself and your family. Healing is possible, and you don’t have to do it alone.

Interested in learning more about ART or scheduling a consultation?
Click here to Schedule a Consultation

The Best Books for Postpartum Self-Care: A Therapist’s Top Picks

By Jennifer Doeden, LMFT – Metro Counseling and Wellness

Bringing home a new baby is often described as a joyful, magical time—and while that can be true, it’s only one part of the story.

For many new parents, especially birthing parents, the postpartum period is a time of profound change: physically, emotionally, and mentally. You might feel raw, tired, overwhelmed, anxious, or like you’ve lost touch with the “you” from before. And you're not alone.

As a therapist specializing in postpartum and maternal mental health, I work with new mothers every day who are navigating the messy, beautiful, and often difficult reality of early parenthood. One thing I often recommend—especially when time is limited—is a supportive book to help you feel seen, grounded, and gently guided back to yourself.

Here are my top picks:

🌿 1. “The Fourth Trimester” by Kimberly Ann Johnson

This book is a must-read for new parents. It blends body-based healing, emotional insight, and relationship support in a way that feels nurturing and holistic.
Best for: Anyone needing deep nourishment and validation during postpartum.

🧠 2. “This Isn’t What I Expected” by Karen Kleiman & Valerie Raskin

A compassionate and practical guide for anyone struggling with postpartum depression or anxiety. It offers clinical insight, real stories, and hopeful strategies.
Best for: Those feeling overwhelmed, scared, or disconnected from themselves.

💛 3. “Good Moms Have Scary Thoughts” by Karen Kleiman

Filled with affirmations, short reflections, and beautiful illustrations, this book is perfect for flipping open during those quiet (or not-so-quiet) moments. It tackles the intrusive thoughts and shame many parents experience—but rarely talk about.
Best for: A quick, reassuring read when you're feeling alone or anxious.

📖 4. “Motherwhelmed” by Beth Berry

This book challenges the unrealistic expectations placed on modern moms and invites you to reclaim motherhood on your own terms. It’s not about fixing you—it’s about freeing you.
Best for: Those questioning societal pressure and craving deeper meaning in motherhood.

🕊️ 5. “What No One Tells You” by Alexandra Sacks & Catherine Birndorf

Written by reproductive psychiatrists, this book explores matrescence—the emotional development that comes with becoming a mother. It normalizes the identity shift and emotional complexity of this time.
Best for: First-time moms and anyone navigating the “who am I now?” feelings.

💬 Final Thoughts:

Self-care during the postpartum period doesn’t have to be big or perfectly planned. Sometimes it looks like five minutes with a book that reminds you: You’re still you. You’re not broken. You’re doing better than you think.

And if you’re feeling overwhelmed, anxious, or disconnected, therapy can help. At Metro Counseling and Wellness, we offer compassionate, specialized support for postpartum mental health—because healing grows when you're supported.

📞 Ready to talk? Reach out today. We’re here to help you find yourself again.

Metro Counseling and Wellness
Where healing grows.

Who Am I, Really? Finding Your Sense of Self When You Feel Disconnected

Metro Counseling and Wellness

There comes a time in many of our lives when we pause and ask: Who am I?
It can feel unsettling—maybe even a little scary—when the answer doesn’t come easily.

Maybe you’ve gone through a major life change, like a breakup, job loss, becoming a parent, or leaving home. Maybe you’ve spent years focused on others and suddenly realized you don’t know what you like or need anymore. Or maybe you’ve just grown and evolved, and your old identity doesn’t fit quite right anymore.

Whatever brought you here, know this: You are not alone. And feeling unsure about your identity doesn’t mean you’re lost—it means you’re ready to grow.

So… What Is Self-Identity, Anyway?

Your self-identity is how you see yourself—your values, personality, roles, beliefs, and preferences. It’s the inner sense of “this is who I am.”

But identity isn’t fixed. It shifts as we learn, unlearn, experience, and evolve. If yours feels unclear right now, it’s not because something is wrong. It’s because you're in the process of becoming.

Where to Start When You Don’t Know Who You Are

Here are some gentle ways to begin exploring your sense of self when it feels unfamiliar or undefined:

1. Get Curious Instead of Critical

Instead of judging yourself for not having a clear identity, try approaching this time with curiosity.
Ask:

• What parts of myself have I outgrown?

• What roles or expectations have I been carrying that aren’t really me?

• What makes me feel most like myself—even in small moments?

Identity isn’t something you have to "figure out" right away. It unfolds when you give yourself permission to wonder and explore.

2. Notice What Feels True (Even If It’s Small)

Sometimes we overlook our identity because we expect it to be something big and obvious. But self-awareness often shows up in quiet moments—when something resonates, excites you, or makes you feel at ease.

Pay attention to:

• The music you play on repeat

• The causes or ideas that move you

• The environments where you feel calm or inspired
  These small signals are clues pointing toward your authentic self.

3. Let Go of Who You Think You Should Be

So many of us live according to who we think we’re supposed to be—based on family, culture, or social norms. But true self-identity doesn’t come from outside expectations. It comes from within.

Ask yourself:

• What expectations am I holding that might not be mine?

• Who would I be if I wasn’t trying to please or perform?

Unpacking these questions can be freeing—and sometimes emotional. Give yourself grace along the way.

4. Try Things On Without Pressure

You don’t have to commit to an identity all at once. Think of this as a season of trying things on and seeing what fits. Say yes to new experiences, revisit old interests, or simply allow yourself to imagine different paths.

This isn't about reinventing yourself—it’s about remembering who you are underneath the noise.

5. Talk It Out

Self-discovery doesn’t have to happen in isolation. Sometimes, it’s in conversation—with a therapist, trusted friend, or support group—that your sense of self begins to take shape.

At Metro Counseling and Wellness, we offer a safe, non-judgmental space to explore your identity, values, and inner truth—especially when you're not quite sure where to begin.

You Are Already Becoming

If you’re unsure of who you are, that’s okay. You are still worthy, still growing, and still you—even in the in-between. Self-identity isn’t about having a perfect label or clear path. It’s about learning to listen inward and move forward with compassion.

📞 Ready to explore your identity with support?
Reach out to Metro Counseling and Wellness to schedule a session and take the first step toward connecting with who you truly are.

You don’t have to have all the answers to begin—you just have to be willing to ask the questions.

#SelfIdentity #MentalHealth #PersonalGrowth #RediscoverYourself #MetroCounselingAndWellness #AuthenticLiving

What’s Next? How to Move Forward When You Don’t Know Where to Start

Metro Counseling and Wellness

We’ve all been there—standing at a crossroads with no clear sign, feeling overwhelmed, stuck, or unsure of what’s next. Maybe you're navigating a life transition, recovering from burnout, or simply sensing that something needs to change but can't quite put your finger on what or how.

If you’re in that space right now, take a deep breath. You don’t need to have it all figured out. You just need a place to begin.

Here are a few gentle steps to help you start sorting through the uncertainty:

1. Pause and Get Honest with Yourself

When life feels unclear, our instinct can be to push through or numb out. But often, what we need most is a pause. Ask yourself:

• What’s really going on beneath the surface?

• Am I tired, grieving, scared, or just craving change?

Being honest about what you’re feeling—even if you don’t have the full picture—can bring clarity to what you truly need next.

2. Let Go of the Pressure to Have a Grand Plan

We tend to think we need to map out a five-year plan before taking the first step. But clarity doesn’t always come before action—it often comes through it. Allow yourself to make small, low-pressure decisions.

Start with what feels manageable today. A journal entry. A walk. Reaching out to a friend. Booking a therapy session. These small actions build momentum.

3. Reconnect with What Matters to You

When we feel lost, it can help to return to our values. What lights you up? What brings you peace? What do you miss doing?

Even if your answers feel vague or out of reach, noticing what you long for can help guide your next step. Think of it as following a trail of breadcrumbs back to yourself.

4. Talk It Out

You don’t have to figure everything out on your own. Sometimes just saying things out loud to someone safe—a therapist, friend, or mentor—can reveal insights you didn’t even know were there.

At Metro Counseling and Wellness, we’re here to hold space for those questions that don’t have quick answers. Together, we can explore what’s keeping you stuck and gently start to uncover what’s next.

5. Trust That Not Knowing Is a Starting Point, Too

Not knowing doesn’t mean you’re failing—it means you’re human. Being in the in-between is part of the process. Trust that clarity will come in time, and that you’re already doing something powerful by simply being willing to ask the question: What’s next?

You’re Not Alone

If you’re feeling unsure of your next step, we’re here to help you find it. Therapy can be a safe place to explore your thoughts, untangle what’s holding you back, and reconnect with your sense of purpose and possibility.

📞 Reach out to Metro Counseling and Wellness today to schedule an appointment or learn more about how we can support you.

Because figuring it out doesn't have to happen all at once. It just has to start.

#MentalHealthSupport #FeelingStuck #LifeTransitions #MetroCounselingAndWellness #SelfDiscovery #WhatNow

How to Prepare for an Accelerated Resolution Therapy (ART) Session

Accelerated Resolution Therapy (ART) is a powerful, evidence-based form of psychotherapy that helps individuals process traumatic memories and other emotional issues quickly and effectively—often in just a few sessions. If you're scheduled for your first ART session, you might be feeling curious, hopeful, or even a bit anxious. That’s completely normal.

Here’s how you can prepare mentally, emotionally, and practically to get the most out of your session.

1. Understand What ART Is (and Isn’t)

ART is a unique therapy that blends elements of traditional talk therapy with eye movement techniques, guided visualization, and memory reconsolidation. It is not hypnosis and does not require you to re-tell your trauma in detail. This can be especially comforting if you’re someone who struggles with talking about past experiences.

The goal of ART is to change how distressing memories are stored in the brain, allowing you to feel better without being re-triggered by those memories.

2. Set Clear Intentions

Before your session, reflect on what you’d like to work on. It could be:

• A traumatic memory or series of events

• Ongoing anxiety or panic

• Phobias

• Grief or loss

• Negative self-beliefs

You don’t need to have the perfect words—just have a general idea. Your therapist will guide you the rest of the way.

3. Dress Comfortably

ART often involves eye movement exercises, so comfort is key. Wear clothes that allow you to relax, sit comfortably, and breathe easily. Sessions typically last 60–75 minutes, so you’ll want to be as physically at ease as possible.

4. Come with an Open Mind

ART can be surprisingly effective and fast-acting, but everyone’s experience is different. Some people feel immediate relief, while others may notice shifts over the next few days. Try not to overthink or analyze the process—just be present and allow it to unfold.

5. Don’t Worry About “Doing It Right”

Your therapist is trained to guide you through the entire process, including the eye movements, visualizations, and narrative shifts. You don't need any prior experience with therapy or visualization techniques. There’s no “wrong” way to do ART.

6. Take Care of Yourself Afterwards

After a session, you might feel tired, calm, emotional, or lighter than usual. Give yourself some buffer time before jumping back into work or social obligations. A quiet walk, journaling, or simply resting can help your body and mind integrate the work.

7. Trust the Process

It’s okay if it feels a bit strange or different from other forms of therapy you’ve tried. ART’s effectiveness lies in how it helps your brain “update” old distressing memories with new, healthier perspectives—without having to re-live the pain.

Final Thoughts

Preparing for your ART session doesn’t require a deep dive into your trauma or hours of journaling—just a bit of mindfulness, openness, and self-compassion. Whether this is your first step into therapy or part of a longer healing journey, ART can be a transformative experience.

If you're feeling nervous, that’s normal. You’re stepping into a space designed for healing—and that’s incredibly brave.

Understanding Emotional Abuse in Childhood and Its Impact in Adulthood

Emotional abuse in childhood can be subtle yet deeply damaging. Unlike physical abuse, which leaves visible scars, emotional abuse often leaves invisible wounds that shape how we see ourselves, how we relate to others, and how we navigate the world as adults.

Many people who have experienced emotional abuse may not even recognize it as such—especially if it was normalized in their family or culture. But understanding the most common forms of emotional abuse and their long-term effects is a crucial step toward healing.

Common Forms of Emotional Abuse in Childhood

Emotional abuse can take many forms, but some of the most common include:

1. Chronic Criticism & Belittling

• Parents or caregivers frequently put the child down, insult them, or make them feel inadequate.

• Examples: “You’ll never be good enough,” “Why can’t you be like your sibling?”

• Message internalized: I’m not good enough, and I never will be.

2. Rejection & Withholding Affection

• Love and affection are conditional or withheld altogether.

• Examples: Ignoring a child’s achievements, refusing hugs or praise, making the child feel like a burden.

• Message internalized: I have to earn love. I am not inherently lovable.

3. Gaslighting & Denial of Reality

• A child’s emotions, memories, or experiences are denied or twisted to make them doubt themselves.

• Examples: “That never happened,” “You’re too sensitive,” “You always make things up.”

• Message internalized: I can’t trust my own feelings or perceptions.

4. Excessive Control & Micromanaging

• The child is not allowed to make age-appropriate decisions or express independence.

• Examples: Controlling what the child wears, who they talk to, what they think or believe.

• Message internalized: I can’t trust myself to make decisions.

5. Humiliation & Public Shaming

• The child is embarrassed, mocked, or shamed in front of others.

• Examples: Criticizing the child in public, making jokes at their expense, using social media to shame them.

• Message internalized: I am fundamentally flawed and should feel ashamed of myself.

6. Emotional Neglect

• The child’s emotional needs are ignored, dismissed, or seen as an inconvenience.

• Examples: A parent who never asks how the child is feeling, doesn’t comfort them when they’re upset, or tells them to “stop crying” without addressing their distress.

• Message internalized: My feelings don’t matter, and I should suppress them.

7. Parentification

• The child is forced to take on adult responsibilities, often emotionally or financially supporting their parent.

• Examples: Being a parent’s therapist, taking care of younger siblings, being forced to manage household duties beyond their ability.

• Message internalized: My needs come last, and I must take care of others to be valued.

Common Reactions in Adulthood

The effects of emotional abuse don’t just disappear when childhood ends. Many adults carry these experiences into their relationships, work, and self-perception.

1. People-Pleasing & Difficulty Setting Boundaries

• Struggling to say “no” out of fear of rejection.

• Feeling responsible for others’ emotions and comfort.

• Prioritizing others’ needs over their own, often at their own expense.

2. Chronic Self-Doubt & Low Self-Esteem

• Constantly second-guessing decisions.

• Feeling like an imposter or fraud, even when competent.

• Seeking external validation to feel worthy.

3. Fear of Conflict & Avoidance of Difficult Conversations

• Struggling to express disagreement out of fear of being dismissed or ridiculed.

• Avoiding confrontation, even in necessary situations.

• Feeling anxious or guilty after asserting personal needs.

4. Emotional Dysregulation & Anxiety

• Overreacting to criticism or perceived rejection.

• Feeling on edge or easily overwhelmed.

• Struggling to process emotions in a healthy way.

5. Toxic Relationships

• Being drawn to emotionally unavailable or controlling partners.

• Repeating unhealthy patterns learned in childhood.

• Struggling to recognize red flags in relationships.

6. Struggles with Trust & Intimacy

• Finding it difficult to be vulnerable with others.

• Assuming people will reject, betray, or abandon them.

• Feeling uncomfortable with close emotional connections.

Healing from Emotional Abuse

If any of this resonates with you, know that healing is possible. Here are a few steps that can help:

✨ Acknowledge Your Experience – Naming the abuse is the first step toward breaking its hold.

🧘‍♀️ Rebuild Self-Trust – Start making small decisions that reinforce your ability to trust yourself.

💛 Practice Self-Compassion – Speak to yourself with kindness. Challenge critical inner voices.

🖊 Rewrite Your Internal Narrative – The messages you received as a child are not absolute truths. You are worthy of love, respect, and kindness.

👩‍⚕️ Seek Therapy or Support – A therapist can help you process your experiences and build new, healthier patterns.

Final Thoughts

Emotional abuse may not leave visible scars, but its impact runs deep. However, recognizing its presence in your past is a powerful step toward reclaiming your future. You are not defined by the way you were treated as a child. You have the ability to unlearn, heal, and create the life and relationships you deserve. 💙

Nervous System Regulation for New Moms: Finding Calm in the Chaos

Becoming a mom is one of the most transformative experiences in life. It’s beautiful, overwhelming, exhausting, and exhilarating—all at once. Between sleepless nights, endless diaper changes, and adjusting to a new identity, your nervous system can feel like it’s in overdrive.

Your body and brain are wired for survival, and in the postpartum period, they are constantly scanning for stressors. If you’ve felt easily overwhelmed, on edge, or emotionally drained, it’s not just in your head—it’s your nervous system doing its best to keep up. The good news? There are simple, science-backed ways to regulate your nervous system so you can find more balance, peace, and presence in your new role as a mom.

Understanding Your Nervous System

Your nervous system has two main branches that impact how you feel:

1. Sympathetic Nervous System (Fight-or-Flight)

   • Activated by stress, exhaustion, and overwhelm.

   • Can make you feel anxious, irritable, or constantly “on.”

   • Often triggered by sleep deprivation, crying babies, and the mental load of motherhood.

2. Parasympathetic Nervous System (Rest-and-Digest)

   • Helps you feel calm, connected, and present.

   • Promotes digestion, deep breathing, and emotional regulation.

   • Activated through mindful practices, deep breathing, and rest.

As a new mom, your sympathetic nervous system might be working overtime, but with small, intentional shifts, you can activate your parasympathetic nervous system and create more ease in your day.

Simple Ways to Regulate Your Nervous System

1. Breathe Your Way to Calm

Breathing is one of the fastest ways to shift your nervous system from fight-or-flight to rest-and-digest. Try this simple exercise:

💨 The 4-7-8 Breath:

• Inhale through your nose for 4 seconds.

• Hold for 7 seconds.

• Exhale slowly through your mouth for 8 seconds.

• Repeat 3–5 times.

This technique signals safety to your brain and can help you reset in moments of stress.

2. Embrace the Power of Touch

Skin-to-skin contact isn’t just for babies—it’s for moms too! Physical touch releases oxytocin, the “love hormone,” which helps regulate stress and promote relaxation.

🤱 Try This:

• Place your hand on your heart and take deep breaths.

• Hug your baby, partner, or even yourself.

• Use a weighted blanket or warm compress to activate calming sensations.

3. Move Your Body (Even for a Few Minutes!)

Movement helps discharge built-up stress in your nervous system. It doesn’t have to be an intense workout—just gentle movement can make a difference.

🚶‍♀️ Try This:

• Take a 5-minute walk outside.

• Do some gentle stretches while holding your baby.

• Shake out your hands, arms, and legs to release tension.

4. Ground Yourself in the Present Moment

When stress takes over, grounding techniques can help bring you back to the here and now.

🌿 Try the 5-4-3-2-1 Method:

• Name 5 things you can see.

• Name 4 things you can touch.

• Name 3 things you can hear.

• Name 2 things you can smell.

• Name 1 thing you can taste.

This simple exercise can interrupt anxious thoughts and anchor you in the present.

5. Give Yourself Permission to Rest

Many new moms feel pressure to “do it all,” but your nervous system needs rest to function well.

😴 Try This:

• Take a 10-minute nap when possible.

• Practice “non-sleep deep rest” (closing your eyes and focusing on slow breathing).

• Let go of perfection—some days, rest is the most productive thing you can do.

You Deserve Regulation & Rest

Motherhood is demanding, but you don’t have to live in a constant state of stress. By incorporating small, intentional practices into your day, you can help regulate your nervous system, build resilience, and show up as the mom you want to be.

Remember: A regulated mom helps create a regulated baby. Taking care of your nervous system isn’t selfish—it’s essential. 💛

What are your favorite ways to find calm in the chaos of motherhood? Let’s share and support each other in the comments! 👇✨

Top Books for Couples Navigating Marriage After Kids

Having children is one of life’s greatest joys, but it can also bring significant changes to your relationship with your partner. Between sleepless nights, busy schedules, and shifting priorities, maintaining a strong marital bond often takes a back seat. Fortunately, many insightful books offer guidance, tools, and inspiration for couples to thrive as partners while embracing parenthood. Here’s a roundup of the top books for couples after having kids:

1. "And Baby Makes Three" by John M. Gottman and Julie Schwartz Gottman

• Why It’s a Must-Read: This book by the renowned relationship experts explores how having a child impacts a marriage and offers actionable steps to maintain emotional connection, navigate conflicts, and balance parenting duties.

• Key Takeaway: Prioritizing your relationship is essential for a harmonious family dynamic.

2. "Babyproofing Your Marriage" by Stacie Cockrell, Cathy O’Neill, and Julia Stone

• Why It’s a Must-Read: Written by three mothers, this book addresses the challenges that come with parenting and how they affect your partnership. It’s packed with humor, relatable anecdotes, and practical tips for rekindling intimacy and improving communication.

• Key Takeaway: Laughter and teamwork are key to surviving the chaos of raising kids together.

3. "How Not to Hate Your Husband After Kids" by Jancee Dunn

• Why It’s a Must-Read: With humor and honesty, journalist Jancee Dunn delves into the frustrations many mothers feel about uneven parenting roles. Backed by expert advice, this book offers strategies for redistributing responsibilities and improving communication.

• Key Takeaway: Open communication and equitable division of labor are crucial for reducing resentment.

4. "Fair Play" by Eve Rodsky

• Why It’s a Must-Read: Rodsky introduces a game-changing system for balancing household tasks and mental load, ensuring that both partners contribute equally to family life.

• Key Takeaway: A clear and fair division of labor can reduce stress and strengthen your bond.

5. "The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work" by John M. Gottman and Nan Silver

• Why It’s a Must-Read: Though not specifically about parenting, this classic book provides timeless advice for building a strong marriage. Its practical tools for improving communication, resolving conflicts, and maintaining intimacy are invaluable for parents.

• Key Takeaway: Small, intentional actions can have a big impact on marital happiness.

6. "Parenting Marriage: Creating a Village to Raise Your Children While Still Having Time for Each Other" by Alicia Drummond

• Why It’s a Must-Read: This book focuses on maintaining your connection as a couple while embracing the demands of parenthood. It offers insights on creating a partnership that prioritizes both your marriage and your children.

• Key Takeaway: Parenting and partnership can coexist harmoniously with effort and communication.

7. "Mating in Captivity: Unlocking Erotic Intelligence" by Esther Perel

• Why It’s a Must-Read: Parenting often puts a strain on physical intimacy. Esther Perel’s groundbreaking book explores how to keep passion alive in long-term relationships, even when life feels overwhelming.

• Key Takeaway: Intimacy requires intention and creativity, especially during the busy years of raising kids.

8. "The 5 Love Languages: The Secret to Love That Lasts" by Gary Chapman

• Why It’s a Must-Read: Understanding how your partner gives and receives love can transform your relationship. This book is especially helpful for reconnecting after the arrival of a child.

• Key Takeaway: Learning each other’s love languages can deepen your connection and reduce misunderstandings.

9. "Marriage and Children: Staying Close in the Years Ahead" by Patricia Love and Steven Stosny

• Why It’s a Must-Read: This book addresses the emotional distance that often develops between couples after having children and offers strategies to stay connected emotionally and physically.

• Key Takeaway: Nurturing your relationship as a couple benefits the entire family.

10. "No-Drama Discipline for Parents and Partners" by Daniel J. Siegel and Tina Payne Bryson

• Why It’s a Must-Read: While this book focuses on parenting, its principles can be applied to your partnership as well. It emphasizes empathy, emotional regulation, and effective communication.

• Key Takeaway: Understanding and applying empathetic communication strengthens both your parenting and your marriage.

Tips for Choosing the Right Book

• Identify Your Challenges: Choose a book that addresses your specific concerns, whether it’s communication, intimacy, or division of labor.

• Consider Both Perspectives: Opt for books that value both partners’ experiences and provide solutions that feel equitable.

• Make Time to Read Together: Reading and discussing a book as a couple can be a bonding experience and open the door for meaningful conversations.

Final Thoughts

Parenthood is a journey that can strengthen or strain a marriage. The books listed here provide valuable insights, tools, and encouragement for couples navigating the joys and challenges of raising children. By investing time in your relationship and applying the lessons from these resources, you can create a partnership that not only survives but thrives during the parenting years.

Remember: a happy marriage is one of the greatest gifts you can give your children, as it models love, respect, and teamwork.

Managing Complex Relationships with In-Laws After Having a Baby

Bringing a baby into the world is a joyful and transformative experience, but it can also bring challenges, especially when it comes to relationships with in-laws. New dynamics emerge as everyone adjusts to their roles as grandparents, parents, and extended family members. These changes can create tension, misunderstandings, or even conflict. However, with clear communication, healthy boundaries, and mutual understanding, managing complex relationships with in-laws can become a more positive experience.

Why Relationships with In-Laws Become Challenging After a Baby

1. Different Expectations:

   • Grandparents often have their own ideas about how they’ll be involved in their grandchild’s life. These expectations may not align with your parenting style or boundaries.

2. Unsolicited Advice:

   • Many new parents experience a flood of advice from well-meaning in-laws, which can feel overwhelming or critical, especially when it clashes with your preferences or modern parenting approaches.

3. Cultural or Generational Differences:

   • Different cultural norms or generational views on parenting can create misunderstandings or conflicts.

4. Increased Emotional Sensitivity:

   • Sleep deprivation, postpartum hormones, and the stress of adjusting to life with a baby can heighten emotions, making conflicts with in-laws feel more intense.

5. Shifting Roles:

   • Parents may feel protective of their new family unit, while grandparents may struggle with the transition to a supportive, secondary role.

Strategies for Managing Relationships with In-Laws

1. Set Clear Boundaries

Boundaries are essential for maintaining a healthy relationship with in-laws while preserving your peace of mind.

• Be Specific: Clearly communicate what you’re comfortable with regarding visits, advice, and involvement. For example, “We’d love for you to visit on weekends, but we’ll need time during the week to settle into our routine.”

• Be Consistent: Enforce your boundaries consistently to avoid confusion or resentment.

2. Communicate Openly and Respectfully

Open communication is key to reducing misunderstandings and fostering mutual respect.

• Express Appreciation: Acknowledge your in-laws' intentions and efforts to be involved. For example, “We appreciate how much you care about the baby and want to help.”

• Use “I” Statements: Instead of placing blame, frame concerns using “I” statements. For example, “I feel overwhelmed when too many suggestions are made at once.”

• Discuss Expectations Early: Share your parenting values and expectations with your in-laws before conflicts arise.

3. Involve Your Partner

Your partner can play a crucial role in managing the relationship with their parents.

• Present a United Front: Work with your partner to agree on boundaries and expectations, then communicate them as a team.

• Encourage Their Advocacy: Your partner may be better positioned to address sensitive issues with their parents.

4. Focus on Building a Relationship, Not Winning a Battle

The goal is to create a healthy relationship, not to "win" arguments or prove a point.

• Pick Your Battles: Let go of minor annoyances and focus on addressing issues that truly matter.

• Foster Positive Interactions: Find ways to bond with your in-laws, such as inviting them to participate in activities you’re comfortable with, like reading to the baby or taking a walk together.

5. Manage Expectations Around Visits and Roles

Visiting schedules and roles can be a source of tension, especially when in-laws feel excluded or overstep.

• Plan Visits Together: Create a schedule that works for everyone and gives you the space you need.

• Define Roles Clearly: Communicate how you’d like your in-laws to be involved. For example, “We’d love for you to babysit occasionally once the baby is older.”

6. Practice Empathy

Understanding your in-laws’ perspective can help ease tension.

• Consider Their Excitement: Becoming a grandparent is a significant milestone, and their excitement often stems from love and enthusiasm.

• Acknowledge Their Transition: Just as you’re adjusting to parenthood, they’re adjusting to their new role.

7. Seek Support When Needed

If conflicts persist or escalate, seek external support.

• Family Counseling: A neutral third party can help mediate and resolve ongoing issues.

• Support Groups: Connecting with other parents who have faced similar challenges can provide valuable perspective and advice.

Examples of Managing Common In-Law Challenges

1. Unsolicited Advice:

   • Response: “Thank you for sharing your experience. We’ve decided to follow our pediatrician’s recommendation on this, but we appreciate your input.”

2. Overstepping Boundaries (e.g., unannounced visits):

   • Response: “We love having you visit, but it’s helpful for us to plan ahead. Could you let us know beforehand so we can be prepared?”

3. Criticism of Parenting Choices:

   • Response: “We understand that things were done differently in your time. We’re trying a different approach that works best for us right now.”

Balancing Your New Family Unit and Extended Family

Managing relationships with in-laws while prioritizing your new family unit can be delicate but achievable.

1. Prioritize Your Baby’s Needs: Your child’s well-being should be at the center of decisions.

2. Protect Your Mental Health: Remember that it’s okay to take a step back from relationships that feel draining or toxic.

3. Create New Traditions: Involve your in-laws in ways that feel comfortable and joyful, such as holiday traditions or family outings.

Final Thoughts

Navigating relationships with in-laws after having a baby can be challenging, but it’s also an opportunity to strengthen family bonds. With clear communication, mutual respect, and a focus on the shared goal of loving and supporting your baby, you can create a positive dynamic that benefits everyone involved.

Remember, it’s okay to prioritize your new family’s needs while maintaining a respectful and loving relationship with your in-laws. Striking this balance takes time and effort, but the rewards of a harmonious family environment are well worth it.

Weaning from Breastfeeding: How It Impacts Hormones and Mental Health

The journey of breastfeeding is deeply personal and transformative. For many mothers, it is a time of bonding, nourishment, and connection. However, when the time comes to wean—whether it happens gradually or suddenly—it can be a significant physical and emotional transition. What many mothers may not realize is that weaning from breastfeeding can have profound effects on hormones and mental health. Understanding these changes can help mothers navigate this transition with greater awareness and self-compassion.

Hormonal Changes During Weaning

Breastfeeding is driven by hormones, particularly prolactin and oxytocin. These hormones regulate milk production and facilitate the emotional connection between mother and baby. When breastfeeding ends, hormonal levels adjust, which can lead to noticeable physical and emotional shifts.

1. Drop in Prolactin Levels:

   • Prolactin is the hormone responsible for milk production. As breastfeeding decreases, prolactin levels drop. While this change is necessary to signal the body to stop producing milk, it can lead to feelings of fatigue or mood fluctuations, as prolactin also plays a role in mood regulation.

2. Reduction in Oxytocin:

   • Known as the "love hormone," oxytocin is released during breastfeeding, promoting feelings of relaxation and bonding. A decrease in oxytocin levels during weaning can leave some mothers feeling a sense of loss or even sadness.

3. Reactivation of Menstrual Cycle:

   • For many women, breastfeeding suppresses ovulation and menstruation. As weaning occurs, the menstrual cycle often resumes, leading to hormonal fluctuations similar to those experienced during premenstrual syndrome (PMS).

4. Shift in Estrogen and Progesterone Levels:

   • Hormonal levels of estrogen and progesterone begin to stabilize after weaning. This adjustment can cause physical symptoms such as bloating, headaches, or acne, as well as emotional effects like irritability or mood swings.

Mental Health During Weaning

The hormonal shifts associated with weaning can significantly impact mental health. These effects vary depending on the mother's unique hormonal sensitivity, her emotional connection to breastfeeding, and the circumstances of weaning.

1. Post-Weaning Depression

Post-weaning depression is a real, though often overlooked, condition. It occurs when hormonal changes and the emotional impact of weaning combine to create feelings of sadness, irritability, or anxiety.

• Why It Happens: The drop in prolactin and oxytocin can reduce the calming and bonding effects these hormones provided during breastfeeding, leaving mothers feeling disconnected or moody.

• Symptoms: These may include persistent sadness, lack of energy, feelings of guilt, or difficulty concentrating.

2. Feelings of Loss

Weaning often symbolizes the end of a unique phase in the mother-baby relationship. For some mothers, this can evoke a sense of grief or loss. This emotional response is natural and reflects the deep bond created during breastfeeding.

3. Increased Anxiety

Hormonal fluctuations can exacerbate feelings of anxiety. For mothers who relied on the soothing effects of oxytocin during breastfeeding, the absence of that hormonal boost may lead to heightened worry or restlessness.

4. Guilt or Self-Doubt

Cultural and societal pressures around breastfeeding can leave mothers feeling guilty or uncertain about their decision to wean, even if it is the best choice for their family.

Tips for Supporting Hormonal and Mental Health During Weaning

While weaning can be challenging, there are strategies to ease the transition and support mental well-being:

1. Gradual Weaning:

Whenever possible, weaning gradually allows your body to adjust more smoothly to hormonal changes. Slowly reducing the number of breastfeeding sessions gives hormones like prolactin and oxytocin time to taper off naturally.

2. Practice Self-Compassion:

Acknowledge the emotions that come with weaning without judgment. Remind yourself that it is normal to feel a mix of sadness, relief, and even guilt.

3. Support Your Hormonal Health:

• Stay Active: Exercise can help stabilize mood by boosting endorphins and regulating cortisol levels.

• Eat a Balanced Diet: Consuming foods rich in nutrients like omega-3 fatty acids, magnesium, and B vitamins can support brain health and mood regulation.

• Stay Hydrated: Hormonal changes can lead to dehydration, which can exacerbate fatigue and irritability.

4. Talk About Your Feelings:

Share your experiences with trusted friends, family, or a support group. Talking about your feelings can help you process the transition and feel less isolated.

5. Seek Professional Help:

If feelings of sadness, anxiety, or overwhelm persist, consider reaching out to a therapist or healthcare provider. Post-weaning depression is treatable, and support is available.

6. Focus on New Ways to Bond:

Weaning doesn’t mean the end of closeness with your baby. Explore new ways to connect, like cuddling, reading, or playing together.

Final Thoughts

Weaning from breastfeeding is more than just a physical process—it’s an emotional and hormonal transition that can impact every aspect of a mother’s well-being. Recognizing the changes you may experience and taking steps to support your physical and mental health can make this transition more manageable.

Remember, weaning is a natural part of the motherhood journey. Whether it happens sooner or later than you expected, it’s a sign of growth for both you and your child. With patience, self-care, and support, you can navigate this phase with confidence and grace, honoring both the bond you’ve shared and the new chapter ahead.

How Childhood Emotional Trauma, Like Being a Parentified Child, Impacts Health, Mental Well-being, and Relationships in Adulthood

Childhood emotional trauma is an experience that deeply affects an individual’s development and often leaves lasting impacts that extend well into adulthood. One such trauma, parentification, occurs when a child is expected to take on the emotional or physical responsibilities of a parent, typically due to a parent's inability to fulfill their role. While many children may demonstrate a certain level of caregiving or responsibility within a family, a truly parentified child takes on responsibilities well beyond their age and maturity, often sacrificing their own needs in the process. The repercussions of this role reversal can be profound, impacting not only mental health but also physical health and relationships.

1. Impact on Physical Health

Childhood trauma, including parentification, is not just an emotional experience—it has tangible effects on physical health. Studies have shown that childhood emotional trauma can contribute to a range of physical health issues in adulthood due to chronic stress and altered brain function. Here’s how:

• Chronic Stress and Cortisol Levels: When a child is placed in a caregiver role, they may experience chronic stress from attempting to meet adult responsibilities. This stress often leads to elevated cortisol levels over time, which can have a lasting impact on the body. Prolonged high cortisol levels are linked to health problems like hypertension, cardiovascular disease, and metabolic issues.

• Weakened Immune System: Stress hormones impact immune function, leaving many adults who experienced childhood trauma with a heightened susceptibility to illness. Chronic inflammation, a common result of prolonged stress, is associated with autoimmune conditions, gastrointestinal issues, and chronic fatigue.

• Sleep Disorders: Parentified children often grow up with a heightened state of vigilance, a behavior known as hypervigilance, which impacts their ability to relax and sleep well. Poor sleep habits established early in life can persist into adulthood, leading to a variety of health issues including heart disease, obesity, and diabetes.

• Psychosomatic Symptoms: Many adults with unresolved childhood trauma report physical symptoms like migraines, stomach issues, and chronic pain without an apparent medical cause. These symptoms can be the body’s way of expressing unresolved stress and emotional pain.

2. Impact on Mental Health

The psychological toll of parentification often manifests in adulthood as unresolved trauma, self-doubt, and emotional regulation issues. Mental health challenges faced by adults who experienced parentification in childhood include:

• Anxiety and Depression: Constantly prioritizing others’ needs over their own can lead to a sense of worthlessness and anxiety. Adults who were parentified children may have heightened self-critical tendencies, which can contribute to depression, low self-esteem, and persistent anxiety.

• Perfectionism and Overachievement: Parentified children often grow into adults who feel they must be “perfect” in order to be valued. This perfectionism is frequently rooted in a fear of failure and can lead to burnout, dissatisfaction, and chronic stress.

• Difficulty with Self-Care: Adults who were forced to “grow up too fast” often struggle with taking care of themselves. They may feel guilty when focusing on their own needs or may not know how to prioritize their well-being. This can lead to neglect of basic self-care, making them more vulnerable to mental health issues like depression and anxiety.

• Emotional Dysregulation: Parentified children often learn to suppress their emotions to appear “strong” and avoid burdening others. As adults, this emotional suppression can lead to emotional outbursts, feelings of numbness, or an inability to effectively process feelings.

• Imposter Syndrome: Many adults who grew up parentified feel like “imposters” in their own lives, questioning their own success and self-worth. This persistent self-doubt can hinder their professional and personal growth.

3. Impact on Relationships

Relationships are often one of the most profoundly affected areas in the lives of adults who experienced parentification. Their early experiences can lead to difficulties in setting boundaries, maintaining healthy relationships, and fostering intimacy. Here’s how:

• Boundary Issues: Parentified children typically grow up without the freedom to set boundaries, as they’re expected to be endlessly available for others. In adulthood, this can lead to difficulty asserting boundaries in relationships, resulting in relationships that feel one-sided or even exploitative.

• Caretaker Role in Relationships: Many adults who were parentified as children feel most comfortable in relationships where they take on the role of caregiver or “fixer.” This dynamic often leads to codependent relationships, where they may attract partners who need support but are unable to provide it in return.

• Fear of Intimacy and Vulnerability: Parentified children often equate love with responsibility and fear that vulnerability will lead to rejection or failure. In adult relationships, this fear can lead to emotional distance or a reluctance to rely on others, ultimately limiting intimacy.

• Difficulty Trusting Others: Parentified children often have a hard time trusting that others will be there for them because they were used to taking care of themselves. This self-reliance can make it challenging to open up to others or to allow others to support them.

• People-Pleasing Tendencies: Having learned that their worth comes from being “useful,” these adults are often quick to please others at their own expense. This people-pleasing tendency can attract manipulative partners or friends, reinforcing feelings of low self-worth and frustration.

Healing and Rebuilding a Healthy Sense of Self

While the impacts of parentification can be significant, healing and rebuilding a strong, healthy sense of self is absolutely possible. Here are some ways to begin this process:

• Therapy and Support: Therapy, especially trauma-informed or cognitive-behavioral therapy, can provide a safe space to work through the effects of parentification. Support groups and therapeutic communities can also be immensely beneficial.

• Setting Boundaries: Learning to set boundaries is essential. This includes identifying personal needs, asserting limits in relationships, and learning to say no. Boundaries help break the habit of people-pleasing and foster healthier relationships.

• Practicing Self-Care: Prioritizing self-care, from basic physical needs to personal interests, can help rebuild self-worth and reinforce the idea that taking care of oneself is not only okay but essential.

• Exploring Vulnerability in Relationships: Learning to trust others and engage in reciprocal, supportive relationships takes practice but can lead to more meaningful connections. This can include opening up about one’s feelings, needs, and expectations.

• Rebuilding Self-Worth and Identity: Rediscovering hobbies, talents, and aspirations that may have been neglected can help adults reconnect with their identity outside of caregiving roles. Building a solid sense of identity independent of others' needs is crucial for long-term fulfillment and mental health.

• Mindfulness and Relaxation Practices: Techniques like mindfulness, meditation, and breathing exercises can help reduce anxiety, encourage self-compassion, and promote a healthier response to stress.

Final Thoughts

Parentification is a complex and often invisible trauma that can profoundly shape one’s physical health, mental well-being, and relationships. However, awareness, reflection, and a commitment to self-care and healing can pave the way for a healthier, more balanced life. Releasing old patterns of caretaking, embracing one’s needs, and setting boundaries allows for a sense of self that honors both the experiences of the past and the potential of the future. Through understanding and support, individuals affected by parentification can create a life that reflects their true identity and needs, not those imposed by an unmet childhood role.

Navigating Postpartum Depression: A Guide for New Mothers

Bringing a new life into the world is a beautiful and transformative experience, but it can also be overwhelming. For many new mothers, the postpartum period is filled with emotional highs and lows. While some mood swings and exhaustion are expected, others may find themselves facing something more challenging: postpartum depression (PPD).

In this post, we’ll explore postpartum depression with compassion and understanding. By sharing relatable examples and highlighting the differences between the baby blues and PPD, we hope to shed light on this often misunderstood condition and provide support to those who might be struggling.

What is Postpartum Depression?

Postpartum depression (PPD) is more than just feeling down after giving birth. It’s a serious condition that affects a mother’s ability to function and enjoy life. While it’s normal to feel tired or emotional after childbirth, PPD can take these feelings to a much deeper and more prolonged level.

Imagine this: You’ve just brought your baby home, and instead of feeling joy and excitement, you feel an overwhelming sadness that won’t go away. You might cry for no clear reason or feel empty, like there’s a heavy weight on your chest. This isn’t just a fleeting feeling—it lingers day after day, making it hard to get out of bed or take care of your baby.

PPD can creep up on you gradually, or it can hit suddenly. You might start to feel disconnected from your baby, struggling to find that bond everyone talks about. You might be constantly worried that something terrible is going to happen, or you could feel guilty, thinking you’re not a good mother.

Examples of PPD Symptoms

1. Persistent Sadness and Hopelessness: As new mother, you find yourself crying every evening when your baby goes to sleep. You can’t shake the sadness, even when things seem to be going well. No matter how hard you try, you just can’t see the light at the end of the tunnel.

2. Overwhelming Anxiety: Constantly worries about your baby’s health. You check on her baby every few minutes during nap time, convinced that something is wrong. Even when the doctor reassures you, you can’t relax and finds yourself losing sleep over it.

3. Irritability and Anger: You snap at your partner over small things. You feel frustrated and irritated all the time, even when you know there’s no real reason for it. You hate feeling this way, but can’t seem to control it.

4. Difficulty Bonding with the Baby: You expected to feel an instant connection with your baby, but instead, you feel distant and detached. You go through the motions of feeding and changing diapers but feel guilty for not feeling the overwhelming love everyone told you about.

5. Loss of Interest in Activities: You used to love reading and watching your favorite shows, but now, nothing seems enjoyable. You feel like you’re just going through the motions, with no joy in the things you once loved.

6. Extreme Fatigue: All new moms are tired, but you feel exhausted in a way that sleep can’t fix. You’re too tired to eat, too tired to take a shower, and too tired to ask for help. It’s a level of fatigue that makes everything seem impossible.

7. Guilt and Worthlessness: You constantly criticizes yourself. You feel like you’re failing as a mother because you’re struggling with breastfeeding. Even though her partner tells you you’re doing great, you can’t shake the feeling that you’re not good enough.

8. Scary Thoughts: In the darkest moments, you have thoughts you’re ashamed of—like wondering if your baby would be better off without you. These thoughts terrify you, and you feel too scared and guilty to tell anyone.

The Baby Blues vs. Postpartum Depression

The Baby Blues are very common and affect up to 80% of new mothers. They usually begin within a few days after delivery and can last for about two weeks. The baby blues often come with mood swings, tearfulness, and feelings of anxiety.

For example, you find yourself crying while watching a commercial about baby clothes. You’re feeling emotional and tired but also finds yourself laughing with your partner a few hours later. You feel a bit overwhelmed but know that with time, you’ll feel more like yourself. Your symptoms are temporary and don’t stop you from enjoying your baby.

Postpartum Depression (PPD), on the other hand, is more intense and long-lasting. It doesn’t go away on its own and can make daily tasks feel impossible.

For example, you gave birth three months ago, but you still feel disconnected from your baby. You find yourself withdrawing from friends and family, feeling like you’re stuck in a fog you can’t escape from. Your partner notices you’re not engaging with the baby and that you’ve lost interest in everything you used to love. Unlike with the baby blues your symptoms aren’t improving, and they’re starting to affect your ability to care for your baby and yourself.

When to Seek Help

If you’re experiencing symptoms like the ones described above, it’s important to reach out for help. Postpartum depression is treatable, and you don’t have to go through it alone. Here are some steps you can take:

1. Talk to a Healthcare Professional: Your doctor or midwife can help you assess your symptoms and discuss treatment options, such as therapy or medication.

2. Connect with a Therapist: Therapy can provide a safe space to talk about your feelings and develop coping strategies. Finding a therapist that is competent in treating postpartum mood disorders is crucial. Postpartum Support International has a dircetory to help you find a therapist in your location. Click on the link to find support today: https://psidirectory.com

3. Lean on Your Support System: Don’t be afraid to ask for help from family and friends. Whether it’s helping with the baby or just listening to you, your support network is there for you.

4. Join a Support Group: Sometimes, talking with other mothers who have gone through the same thing can be incredibly healing. You’re not alone, and sharing your experiences can be a source of comfort.

Postpartum depression is not your fault, and it doesn’t mean you’re a bad mother. It’s a real and serious condition that many women face, but it’s also something you can overcome with the right support.

If you recognize yourself in any of the examples above, please know that help is available. Reach out to your healthcare provider, talk to your loved ones, and remember that it’s okay to ask for help. You deserve to feel better, and your baby needs you to be healthy, too.

You’re not alone on this journey—there’s a whole community ready to support you as you navigate this challenging but ultimately hopeful chapter of motherhood.

Understanding and Coping with Intrusive Thoughts Postpartum

How common are Intrusive Thoughts Postpartum?

Intrusive thoughts are common among new mothers, but understanding their prevalence and impact can help in managing them effectively. Here are some key statistics and insights:

1. Prevalence:

- According to Kleiman and Wenzell (2011, 26) 91%, yes 91%! of mothers experience some sort of upsetting, obsessive (though not necessarily violent) intrusive thought at some point in pregnancy or early motherhood.These thoughts often involve concerns about the baby’s safety and can range from mild worries to more distressing and graphic imagery.

2. Postpartum Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder (OCD):

- It is estimated that about 3-5% of new mothers develop postpartum OCD, a condition characterized by persistent, distressing intrusive thoughts and compulsive behaviors aimed at reducing anxiety

3. Impact on Mental Health:

- Intrusive thoughts can contribute to heightened anxiety, stress, and feelings of guilt or shame. If left unaddressed, they may impact a mother’s overall well-being and her ability to bond with her baby.

Understanding Intrusive Thoughts

Intrusive thoughts are unwanted, involuntary thoughts that can be disturbing and distressing. In the context of new motherhood, these thoughts often revolve around the baby’s safety and well-being. Common themes include:

- Fear of Harm: Thoughts about accidentally or intentionally harming the baby.

- Fear of Neglect: Worries about failing to adequately care for the baby.

- Health Concerns: Concerns about the baby’s health or development.

Coping with Intrusive Thoughts Postpartum

While intrusive thoughts are a normal part of the postpartum experience for many women, they can be distressing. Here are some strategies to help cope with these thoughts:

1. Acknowledge and Accept:

- Recognize that intrusive thoughts are common and do not reflect your true intentions or capabilities as a mother. Accepting that these thoughts are a normal response to the stress and responsibility of new motherhood can reduce their power.

2. Talk About It:

- Share your thoughts and feelings with a trusted friend, partner, or healthcare provider. Talking about intrusive thoughts can lessen their impact and help you feel less isolated.

3. Mindfulness and Relaxation Techniques:

- Practices such as mindfulness, meditation, and deep breathing can help manage anxiety and reduce the frequency and intensity of intrusive thoughts. Focusing on the present moment can prevent you from getting caught up in negative thought patterns.

4. Accelerated Resolution Therapy (ART) and Cognitive-Behavioral Therapy (CBT):

- ART and CBT are effective treatments for managing intrusive thoughts and anxiety. A therapist can help you identify and challenge negative thought patterns and develop healthier coping strategies.

5. Limit Exposure to Triggers:

- Identify and reduce exposure to situations or stimuli that may trigger intrusive thoughts. For example, if certain news stories or social media posts increase your anxiety, consider limiting your consumption of these media.

6. Self-Compassion:

- Practice self-compassion and remind yourself that having intrusive thoughts does not make you a bad mother. Treat yourself with the same kindness and understanding you would offer a friend in a similar situation.

7. Create a Supportive Environment:

- Surround yourself with supportive people who can provide practical help and emotional support. Building a strong support network can reduce stress and provide reassurance.

8. Engage in Positive Activities:

- Engage in activities that bring you joy and relaxation. Hobbies, exercise, and spending time with loved ones can distract from intrusive thoughts and improve your overall mood.

9. Medication:

- In some cases, medication may be necessary to manage severe anxiety or postpartum OCD. Consult with your healthcare provider to discuss safe options for you and your baby, especially if you are breastfeeding.

10. Professional Help:

- If intrusive thoughts are significantly impacting your daily life or mental health, seek professional help. A mental health professional can provide therapy and support tailored to your needs.

Conclusion

Intrusive thoughts are a common experience for many new mothers, but they can be distressing and impact mental health. Understanding their prevalence and employing effective coping strategies can help manage these thoughts and reduce their impact. Remember, seeking help and support is a sign of strength, and addressing these thoughts can lead to a healthier, more enjoyable postpartum experience.

Hormonal Shifts in Pregnancy and Postpartum and Their Impact on Mood

Pregnancy and the postpartum period involve significant hormonal changes that can profoundly impact a woman's mood and emotional well-being. Understanding these hormonal shifts can help explain why many women experience mood fluctuations during this time and can also provide insight into managing these changes effectively.

Hormonal Shifts During Pregnancy

1. Estrogen:

- Role: Estrogen levels increase significantly during pregnancy, reaching their peak in the third trimester. This hormone helps maintain the pregnancy and prepare the body for childbirth.

- Impact on Mood: High estrogen levels can have a mood-stabilizing effect. However, fluctuations in estrogen levels can contribute to mood swings and emotional sensitivity.

2. Progesterone:

- Role: Progesterone levels also rise during pregnancy, especially in the first and second trimesters. It helps maintain the uterine lining and prevent contractions.

- Impact on Mood: Increased progesterone can cause fatigue, irritability, and emotional lability. Many women report feeling more emotional and tearful during periods of high progesterone.

3. Human Chorionic Gonadotropin (hCG):

- Role: hCG is produced by the placenta and is responsible for maintaining the early stages of pregnancy.

- Impact on Mood: Rapid increases in hCG levels, especially in the first trimester, are associated with nausea and vomiting, which can indirectly affect mood and well-being.

4. Prolactin:

- Role: Prolactin levels rise to prepare the breasts for milk production.

- Impact on Mood: While prolactin is essential for lactation, high levels can contribute to feelings of fatigue and mood changes.

5. Oxytocin:

- Role: Often called the "love hormone," oxytocin levels increase during pregnancy and peak during labor and breastfeeding. It helps with bonding and social connections.

- Impact on Mood: Oxytocin promotes feelings of relaxation, love, and bonding, which can positively impact mood. However, fluctuations in oxytocin levels can also lead to emotional ups and downs.

Hormonal Shifts in the Postpartum Period

1. Estrogen and Progesterone:

- Role: Both estrogen and progesterone levels drop dramatically after childbirth, returning to pre-pregnancy levels.

- Impact on Mood: This sudden drop can contribute to postpartum blues, characterized by mood swings, tearfulness, and irritability. For some women, this hormonal shift may trigger postpartum depression, a more severe and prolonged mood disorder.

2. Prolactin:

- Role: Prolactin levels remain high as long as the mother is breastfeeding, promoting milk production.

- Impact on Mood: While prolactin supports breastfeeding, elevated levels can also contribute to fatigue and emotional sensitivity. Additionally, the demands of breastfeeding can lead to sleep deprivation, which negatively affects mood.

3. Oxytocin:

- Role: Oxytocin continues to play a crucial role in bonding and breastfeeding. It is released during breastfeeding and helps strengthen the mother-infant bond.

- Impact on Mood: Oxytocin can promote feelings of happiness and bonding. However, stress and fatigue can interfere with oxytocin release, affecting mood and emotional well-being.

4. Cortisol:

- Role: Cortisol levels can be elevated due to the physical and emotional stress of childbirth and caring for a newborn.

- Impact on Mood: High cortisol levels can lead to anxiety, irritability, and difficulty sleeping. Chronic stress can exacerbate these effects, making it harder for new mothers to cope.

Managing Mood Changes During Pregnancy and Postpartum

1. Education and Support:

- Understanding the hormonal changes that occur during pregnancy and postpartum can help women and their families recognize and normalize mood fluctuations.

- Seeking support from healthcare providers, counselors, and support groups can provide emotional support and practical advice.

2. Healthy Lifestyle:

- Maintaining a balanced diet, engaging in regular physical activity, and ensuring adequate rest can help stabilize mood and improve overall well-being.

3. Self-Care:

- Prioritizing self-care activities, such as relaxation techniques, hobbies, and social interactions, can help manage stress and promote emotional health.

4. Professional Help:

- If mood changes become overwhelming or persistent, seeking help from a mental health professional is crucial. Therapies such as cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT) and medications may be recommended for managing conditions like postpartum depression or anxiety.

Conclusion

The hormonal shifts that occur during pregnancy and the postpartum period are profound and can significantly impact a woman's mood. By understanding these changes and their effects, women can better prepare for the emotional challenges of motherhood and take proactive steps to support their mental health. With the right knowledge, support, and self-care, it is possible to navigate this transformative time with greater ease and resilience.

Why Moms Feel Guilt and Shame Around Taking Time for Self-Care

Motherhood is a journey filled with joy, love, and countless precious moments. However, it also comes with its fair share of challenges and pressures. Among these is a common yet often unspoken struggle: the guilt and shame many moms feel when they consider taking time for themselves. Even though self-care is essential for overall well-being, many mothers find it difficult to prioritize. This post delves into the reasons behind these feelings and offers a compassionate perspective on why self-care is crucial for both moms and their families.

The Weight of Societal Expectations

The Myth of the Selfless Mother:

- Society has long celebrated the image of the self-sacrificing mother, one who places her family’s needs above her own at all times. This ideal is deeply ingrained in our cultural narrative and can lead mothers to believe that prioritizing their own well-being is selfish or neglectful.

The Pressure of Social Media:

- Social media can exacerbate these feelings, presenting an endless stream of curated images of "perfect" mothers who seemingly balance everything effortlessly. This can make real-life moms feel inadequate or guilty when they struggle to meet these unattainable standards.

Internal Struggles and Personal Expectations

Fear of Judgment:

- Many moms worry about being judged by others if they take time for themselves. There’s a pervasive fear that others might see them as less devoted or even selfish for wanting to prioritize their own needs.

Perfectionism:

- The desire to be the perfect mother can drive women to set impossibly high standards for themselves. This can lead to burnout, as they continually put their own needs last in an effort to meet these unrealistic expectations.

Practical Barriers

Time Constraints:

- The daily responsibilities of motherhood, especially for those with young children, often leave little room for self-care. Balancing work, household duties, and childcare can make it feel impossible to carve out time for oneself.

Lack of Support:

- Without a supportive network, finding time for self-care can seem like an unattainable luxury. Single mothers or those without reliable childcare options may feel particularly isolated and overwhelmed.

The Importance of Self-Care

Despite these challenges, self-care is not just a luxury; it’s a necessity. When moms neglect their own needs, they are at greater risk of experiencing burnout, depression, and anxiety. Moreover, practicing self-care sets a positive example for children, teaching them the importance of taking care of their own well-being.

Overcoming Guilt and Embracing Self-Care

Redefine Self-Care:

- Self-care doesn’t have to mean lavish spa days or long vacations. It can be as simple as taking a few minutes each day for deep breathing, enjoying a quiet cup of tea, or engaging in a favorite hobby. Recognize that self-care is about maintaining your overall health and well-being.

Challenge Negative Beliefs:

- Reflect on the beliefs that drive feelings of guilt and shame. Are they realistic or helpful? Remind yourself that taking care of yourself is not selfish but necessary for being the best parent you can be.

Seek Support:

- Reach out to friends, family, or parenting groups for support. Sharing experiences with others can reduce feelings of isolation and provide practical tips for integrating self-care into your routine.

Set Boundaries:

- Establish clear boundaries to protect your self-care time. Communicate with your partner, family members, or childcare providers about your needs and the importance of taking time for yourself.

Practice Self-Compassion:

- Be kind to yourself. Acknowledge that it’s okay to have needs and to take time to meet them. Practicing self-compassion can help reduce feelings of guilt and shame.

The journey of motherhood is filled with immense love and responsibility, and it’s understandable why many moms feel guilt and shame around taking time for self-care. By understanding the societal, cultural, and personal factors that contribute to these feelings, mothers can begin to challenge these beliefs and make self-care a priority. Remember, taking time for yourself is not only beneficial for you but also for your family. A well-rested, healthy, and happy mother is better equipped to care for her loved ones and model a balanced, healthy lifestyle for her children. Embrace self-care with the understanding that it is an essential part of being the incredible mom you already are.

How to Recognize Postpartum OCD: A Guide for New Moms

The postpartum period is a time of significant change and adjustment, and it’s natural for new moms to experience a range of emotions. However, when feelings of anxiety and distress become overwhelming and are accompanied by intrusive thoughts and compulsive behaviors, it may be a sign of postpartum OCD (Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder). Recognizing the symptoms of postpartum OCD is the first step towards seeking help and finding effective treatment.

Understanding Postpartum OCD

Postpartum OCD is a form of OCD that occurs after childbirth. It is characterized by intrusive, unwanted thoughts (obsessions) and repetitive behaviors or mental acts (compulsions) that the person feels driven to perform to reduce the distress caused by these thoughts. These symptoms often revolve around fears related to the baby's safety and well-being.

Common Symptoms of Postpartum OCD

1. Intrusive Thoughts:

- Persistent, unwanted thoughts or mental images about harm coming to the baby. These thoughts are often disturbing and may include fears of accidentally harming the baby, such as dropping the baby, suffocating the baby, or the baby contracting a severe illness.

- Thoughts about losing control and harming the baby, even though the mother has no desire or intention to do so.

2. Compulsions:

- Repetitive behaviors or mental rituals performed to alleviate the anxiety caused by the intrusive thoughts. Examples include:

- Excessive cleaning or sterilizing baby items.

- Checking on the baby frequently to ensure they are breathing.

- Avoiding certain activities or objects perceived as dangerous.

- Seeking reassurance from others repeatedly.

3. Hypervigilance:

- Being excessively cautious and constantly on high alert to prevent perceived dangers.

- Overprotective behavior, such as not allowing anyone else to hold or care for the baby.

4. Distress and Anxiety:

- High levels of anxiety and distress related to the obsessions and compulsions.

- Feelings of guilt, shame, or confusion about having these thoughts and behaviors.

Differentiating Postpartum OCD from Normal New Mom Concerns

It is important to distinguish between the normal worries that all new moms experience and the symptoms of postpartum OCD. While it’s natural to be concerned about your baby's safety and well-being, postpartum OCD involves intense, irrational fears and behaviors that interfere with daily functioning.

Normal New Mom Concerns:

- Occasional worries about the baby’s health and safety.

- Performing necessary tasks to care for the baby, such as feeding, changing, and ensuring a safe sleep environment.

Postpartum OCD Symptoms:

- Persistent, intrusive thoughts that are distressing and hard to dismiss.

- Repetitive, time-consuming behaviors or mental rituals performed in response to the thoughts.

- Significant distress or impairment in daily activities and relationships due to the obsessions and compulsions.

When to Seek Help

If you are experiencing any of the symptoms mentioned above and they are causing significant distress or interfering with your ability to care for your baby and yourself, it’s important to seek help. Here are some steps to take:

1. Talk to Your Healthcare Provider:

- Discuss your symptoms with your primary care doctor, OB-GYN, or pediatrician. They can provide a referral to a mental health specialist.

2. Consult a Mental Health Professional:

- A licensed therapist or psychiatrist who specializes in perinatal mental health can offer an accurate diagnosis and recommend appropriate treatment options.

3. Join a Support Group:

- Connecting with other moms who are experiencing similar challenges can provide emotional support and reduce feelings of isolation.

Treatment Options

Effective treatment for postpartum OCD typically involves a combination of therapy and, in some cases, medication:

1. Cognitive-Behavioral Therapy (CBT):

- Specifically, Exposure and Response Prevention (ERP) is highly effective for treating OCD. It involves gradually exposing oneself to the anxiety-provoking thoughts without engaging in the compulsive behaviors.

2. Accelerated Resolution Therapy (ART)

-Accelerated Resolution Therapy (ART) offers a promising approach to treating OCD, providing rapid symptom relief through innovative techniques that help reprocess and resolve distressing thoughts.

3. Medication:

- Selective serotonin reuptake inhibitors (SSRIs) are commonly prescribed to help manage OCD symptoms. Always consult with a healthcare provider before starting any medication.

4. Mindfulness and Relaxation Techniques:

- Practices such as mindfulness meditation, deep breathing exercises, and progressive muscle relaxation can help reduce anxiety and improve emotional regulation.

Conclusion

Recognizing the signs of postpartum OCD is crucial for new moms to seek the appropriate help and support. If you suspect that you or someone you know may have postpartum OCD, don’t hesitate to reach out to a healthcare provider. With the right treatment and support, it is possible to manage the symptoms and enjoy motherhood with greater peace and confidence.